Is My Child Being Bullied? Signs and What to Do
How parents of children aged 8-14 can tell teasing from bullying, the signs worth noticing, and calm, practical steps to take at home and with school.
Quick answer
Bullying is different from an occasional argument. UNICEF describes it by three features: it is deliberate, it is repeated, and the child doing it has more power, such as being bigger or more popular. It can happen in person or online. Many children do not say it out loud, so changes in behaviour are often the first clue. If you suspect bullying, listen calmly, write down what happened, avoid confronting the other child yourself, and work with the school. If your child seems very distressed for a long time, speak to a qualified professional.
Most children have fallings-out, and many are teased now and then. Bullying is something more specific, and knowing the difference helps you respond in the right way without overreacting or brushing it off.
What counts as bullying
UNICEF's parenting guidance describes bullying by three features. It is deliberate (the child means to hurt), it is repeated (a pattern, not a single incident), and there is a power imbalance (the child doing it is bigger, older, more popular or has a group behind them). It can be physical, verbal, social (leaving someone out on purpose) or online.
A single argument, or two friends teasing each other equally, is usually not bullying. It is still worth talking about, but the response is different.
Signs parents often notice
Children do not always say they are being bullied. UNICEF lists signs to watch for, including:
- Not wanting to go to school or to school events
- Seeming anxious, nervous or on edge
- Losing friends suddenly or avoiding social situations
- Belongings lost or damaged, or often asking for money
- Unexplained bruises or scratches
- Poor sleep, nightmares, headaches or stomach aches
- Being upset after time online, or unusually secretive about it
- Angry outbursts at home
One sign on its own can have many causes. A pattern of several, especially if it is new, is a good reason to have a gentle conversation.
Starting the conversation
Choose a calm, private moment, such as a car ride or a walk. Open questions work better than direct ones: "Who do you sit with at lunch?" or "Is anyone making school hard at the moment?" If your child does share something, stay calm. A strong reaction can make children regret telling you.
If your child is the one bullying, or a bystander
UNICEF notes that bullying involves the child being bullied, the child doing it and the children who watch. Bystanders can help by including the child who is left out, being kind and telling an adult. If you learn your child has been unkind, stay calm, find out what happened, and be clear that the behaviour must stop while you help them make it right.
Normal ups and downs, or time for more support?
Friendship problems come and go at this age. It is time to involve the school straight away if the behaviour is repeated or your child feels unsafe. It is time to speak to a doctor or qualified professional if your child seems very low or anxious for weeks, refuses school, or mentions hurting themselves.
What to do if you think your child is being bullied
Small, steady steps usually help more than a big reaction.
- Check in every day
Ask about school and online time, and about feelings, not just marks and homework. Regular chats make it easier for a child to bring something up.
- Listen first, stay calm
Let your child tell the whole story before you respond. Thank them for telling you and make clear it is not their fault.
- Write down what happened
Note dates, places, who was involved and what was said or done. Save screenshots of anything online.
- Talk to the school, not the other child
Share your notes with the class teacher or school counsellor and ask what they will do next. Avoid confronting the other child or their parents yourself.
- Practise what to say
Role-play a short, calm reply and a plan to walk away and tell a trusted adult. Practising at home makes it easier in the moment.
- Protect time with friends
Encourage an activity or group your child enjoys outside class, so they have people and places where they feel safe.
- Keep checking back
Follow up with your child and the school after a week or two. One conversation is rarely enough.
Frequently asked questions
How is bullying different from teasing?
My child won't tell me anything. What should I watch for?
Should I tell my child to hit back?
When should I get professional help?
Sources
- Bullying: What is it and how to stop it — UNICEF Parenting
Keep reading
Last updated